Perfection

Along with my new perspective of expectations, I've been thinking about the likelihood of me one day attaining perfection...the possibility seems to be becoming more and more remote the older and tireder I get.

Somewhere in the course of my life, I was given the impression that the only things I would do that would matter would be those in which I was the first, the best or the only...no pressure. I honestly admit that this did not seem to be an unreasonable standard until recently (in this case "recently" may be anywhere from 6 months to 2 years...I don't exactly remember). Now, I understand that not only is that unattainable for most normal people, but it's a setup for major frustration...I can give personal testimony to that.

I think this may have been an example of me placing other peoples standards above Gods...sounds a little like the Pharisaical Law. You know...where the Pharisee's felft like God didn't give quite enough rules in the 10 Commandments, so they added a bajillion more just to clarify.

Toward this end, I have lived the 40-odd years of my Christian life feeling like I was a disappointment to God because I wasn't wonderful. The bible says we're given a spiritual gift when we accept Christ (1 Cor 12:7), but I can't for the life of me tell you what mine is...no one's quite been able to find a place for me to serve. I can tell you a whole lot of things I don't do well, and I do seem to have a gift for knowing exactly the wrong thing to say in any given situation (I wish I understood why it sounds SO good in my head, and then sounds SO dumb when it comes out of my mouth. :\), but I'm pretty sure that's not what He's talking about. Then there's the issue of the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)...not the first characteristics you normally think of when I come to mind...especially those at the end of the list :/. I desperately held on to Philippians 4:13, and did my dead level best to do great and wonderful things...but I usually got the door closed in my face. My aspirations were high...my intentions were good...so what was wrong?

Did you count the number of times I said "I", "me", and "my" in the previous paragraph? I honestly and naively thought I had to do it...I had to become perfect...I had to do great and wonderful things for God. I'm really not sure where I got this idea...but these days I'm thinkin' "Not so much" and why in the world would I have ever thought I could? You see, that's just it...I never thought I could, and the biggest part of my frustration was having been given an assignment that was impossible to fulfill (Have I mentioned my compulsive tendencies?)...it felt like I had been set-up to fail...and when I actually thought about it I know that is NOT the way God works. Jer 29:11 says He has a plan for me...to succeed...not fail. Mat 11:28 tells me He'll teach me what he wants me to do...and he'll give me rest in the process (instead of me running around like a chicken with my head cut off). Oh, yeah, and Phil 4:13 where it says I can do all things...I think that means HE can do anything He chooses to do through me...if I'll just get out of the way and let Him do it. I don't think it means I have to do everything. Ecc 3:1-8 says there's a time for everything. It doesn't say I have to do everything right now.

When I learn from Jesus' example (like He tells me to in the Matthew verses), I see that He was perfect, but He didn't do everything: His family didn't always approve of His actions, they did not agree with the work He chose or the way He conducted His ministry (not even His mother who knew who He was...go figure), He didn't have a wife and children to deal with, He didn't heal everyone, He didn't preach or minister to everyone, and everyone who listened to Him did not believe...especially those who were supposed to have all the answers and ended up killing Him in the end.

Now I ask you...does that take the pressure off, or what? If the perfect man didn't feel the need to be all and do all, why do I? Am I so arrogant to suggest that I know a better way to live and serve than He did/does? Or maybe I think I can serve better on earth than God did because I've had more time? Am I the only one seeing ego in that attitude? I'm thinkin' God has the plan (Jer 29:11), He knows how much time I have (Psalms 139:16) maybe I should "let go" of the controls and let Him call the shots...what do you think?

How 'bout you? Who's standard are you trying to live up to? Who's controling your life?

Smile :)