Expectations

I have been accused (by more than one "friend", co-worker and family member) of being a perfectionist and/or control-freak. While I would like to argue with those accusations, after much reflection, I'm afraid the evidence may be stacked against me. They made this sound like it was a bad thing...so, I really am trying to reform...in some things...some days are better than others.

One of the things I've come to realize this that I have had expectations for how other people should act, think and feel. You may be surprised to learn that those people quite often don't conform to my expectations. This has "always" been a source of great frustration to me, and I've expended a considerable amount of energy being frustrated. It also frustrated me that these people didn't seem to care that they cost me all this energy and effort...they didn't seem to realize that THIS WAS ALL THEIR FAULT, and that they were making my life a lot harder than it had to be. You may also be surprised to learn that I was not always gracious in my response to their failure and their unconcern.

Just recently it's been suggested to me (by a completely unbiased Heavenly source) that the problem has actually been mine and not theirs...I hate it when He does that...can't I be right one time? Apparently not. :\ Do I always have to be the one that needs to change? Apparently so. :/

It seems that the issue(s) were possibly not black and white (What?)...not a matter of who's right and who's wrong (HOW can that BE?)...but rather what I'd set as my expectations. You see, in my world there's a plan for everything...everything IS black & white...there is my way and the wrong way (I wonder where I got that character trait?) and anything else is a criticism of my intelligence and/or character. I didn't take this well...it's a hard way to live...my feelings were hurt a lot of the time...which made me a LOT of fun to live with...NOT so much. After years of hoping everyone else would change, my response several months ago was to say, "Fine. I won't care about anything. I won't have an opinion about anything." That didn't work so well. I didn't get my feelings hurt so much...but I lost everything...bad and good...I couldn't feel anything. Back to the drawing board. Then two or three weeks ago, came the idea again...with a new twist..."Let go of your expectations." (Letting go has been the theme of my life for the past 11 months. Probably more about this in future postings.) My first response was, "Wasn't that what I did before that didn't work out so well?" The answer, "No. This time you give up YOUR expectations, and wait to see what I want to do." Is 55:8-9, Heb 11:1, Rom 8:23-25 and Phil 2:3-4

I wish I could say that my transformation was instantaneous, that I heard the lesson, changed my behavior and attitudes and that everyone I know has seen the difference in me and marveled...not so much. :\ It seems to be a process...doggoneit...requiring self-discipline and perseverance...rats! But at least now I can see a goal...and there's always hope. What more could I ask for?

What are your expectations? My advice (just in case you wondered)...give 'em up. In the words of one of my very wise younger sisters, "You just do what you're supposed to...don't worry about other people's reactions...that's their issue." If you're anything like me, you'll be AMAZED at how much easier your life will be...even during the learning process...even if those other people don't do things the "right" way.

Smile :)